By Dana Chwan, MIA widow, Santa Fe, NM
Those of you who served in the military, as you were leaving for your assignment to active duty or into a war zone, probably assured your family: ‘Don’t worry – I’ll be okay. I’ll come back, I promise.’ This is the Soldier’s Promise and it’s been sincerely made to mothers, wives, children and family for hundreds of years. My husband, Michael, an Air Force pilot, made a similar one to me the day he left for a 90-day assignment in Southeast Asia in 1965. “90 days isn’t forever. We can make it. Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it - I promise.”
Except for us, 90 days was forever. His plane was shot down over the Ninh Binh bridge in North Vietnam, and he was listed as Missing In Action. It was 19 ½ years later before he finally ‘came home’. I’m grateful for the solemn burial ceremony at Arlington in April 1985, when I was accompanied by our daughter, Michele, born six months after Michael’s death. A ten-pound weight was finally lifted from my heart with that closure.
The intervening years of waiting and wondering were made bearable by compassionate friends, family and especially veterans who understood my loss and helped me deal with all the issues of being a ‘wife’ in limbo. Then with Mike’s return, becoming a member of ‘The Reluctant Sorority’ – the sisterhood of widows that none of ever believe we’ll be forced to join. I’m lucky: I got closure. There are still hundreds of families who live daily even now with uncertainty about the fate of a serviceman whom they loved. There are still organizations formed back in the days of the Vietnam War that continue to work for public awareness and action for our missing men.
If you would like up-to-date information on the POW/MIA issue, please contact the two most active that I know and support: National Alliance of Families for the Return of America’s Missing Servicemen - janella@nationalalliance.org; and Prisoner of War/Missing In Action, CT Forget-Me-Nots, Inc., pow.mia.ctfmn@gmail.com Both are 501 C(3) not-for-profit organizations with very reasonable yearly dues and donations are tax-deductible.
Through all these years since Vietnam, I watch with sadness as our government continues to engage us in wars across the globe for reasons that I don’t understand or support. I question why we continue to put our fine young men (and now women) into harm’s way – risking their capture or death - for no logical benefit for us. We order our soldiers to fight battles for societies and governments that do not share our ideals of government for the people and by the people. In these later years, I continue to speak out on the insanity of war and that there must be a better way to settle conflicts. I support the mission of Veterans For Peace and applaud their efforts.
In today’s headlines, we read that ‘there are suicides of about 22 men a day who have served in the military’ (statistic from The Battle Buddy Foundation). They served, came home and now are unable to assimilate back into society and feel that taking a permanent solution to a temporary situation is the only answer. There are so many troubling and sad situations and circumstances surrounding our veterans who are deserving of our care, actions and support. I encourage you to get involved in any small way you can to alleviate and help with awareness for our still missing servicemen, veteran homelessness, unemployment, PTSD, VA hospital problems… the list goes on….. One person CAN make a difference. You can be the voice and you can act for those who are unable to speak out or help themselves. I hope that you will.
With all best wishes to you who served.
Dana Chwan, author
The Reluctant Sorority